You can take one of two approaches to Speid’s new book called, How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press, and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture. It can be the biggest explanation ever of what’s wrong with America, or it can be a comedy. Every other review will tell you how senseless it is. Joy Behar on The View said it’s so dumb she was surprised it wasn’t written in crayon. And it is dumb.

But as always, Speidi doesn’t care about being dumb. After all the book’s cover resembles a magazine so there’s no pretense that there’s anything profound in it. Spencer even writes that he knows many people think it’s nonsense.

The sheer genius of the book, if I can use that word without having my intellect questioned, is that they accomplish what they set out to: getting people to talk about them. You don’t even have to read the book to get the gist. On each page, there is an inset with the key words blown up. All the insets, chapter titles and headings are the same. They simply take a “by any means” necessary approach to getting famous. Well, they thankfully don’t mention committing any crimes, so anything short of breaking the law (we presume) is fair game for these two. This includes a propensity for evil, stabbing your friend in the back and telling them you hate them.

The Chapter Headings are automatic headlines. Since many people writing these reviews despise Speidi aren’t going to read the book, they had to make the headings jump out. Things like “Getting Work Done is Your Job, By Heidi”, and the most riveting “Tears: WWMD (Woman’s Weapons of Mass Destruction)”. Heidi is obviously single handedly putting women back 100 years, just like she did in the Al Roker situation. Again, they don’t care.

As far as the book’s use, there really is none other than sheer laughter. The “tips” they give are specifically for people who are on a reality show like theHills. If they were really wise, or cared an ounce, they would give more general tips akin to Perez Hilton’s book on how to attain general fame. But all they know is the path through theHills, which given the downward spiral the show is on, no one may ever be offered that same path again.

Their path meant stomping on and all over Lauren Conrad to get to wherever it is they are. Consequently, the book is almost entirely about Lauren. You’ll never see her name but you will see:

“That’s right, I did it. Well, I sort of did it. And don’t pretend you don’t know what “it” is. If there is one thing that I’ve been most famously accused of, it is spreading the rumor that my nemesis had a certain piece of video footage of themselves that they’d rather not have become public”.

That’s just the beginning. Heidi tells an equal amount of stories about how she was the Troublemaker Sidekick to guess who. But in the same breath, she still manages to claim her religion and keep a modicum of “dignity” by saying she’s not bad because she’s not as bad as Spencer. She claims she can’t be as bad as him because she’s a girl. Senseless, right?!

Anyway, Lauren should get half of the proceeds of this book and leave Speidi to share the other half. None of this would have been possible without her. But that’s really Speidi’s point. Use people you have around you to get what you want. So the book serves as a commentary of them justifying their reprehensible behavior. And, it’s really about “How to Become Infamous”, not famous.

The one thing Spencer (who we’re convinced is at least somewhat smart) needs to cut out is how he beats you up for supporting them. We stopped covering Speidi because they pointed out how blogs and websites were giving them free press for nothing in return. Similarly, in the book, they throw it in your face that you’re contributing to their charades by buying the book!

Nonetheless, at least the book is real. Where theHills lacks in authenticity, this book spews it. It sounds like Speidi is sitting at your dinner table having a conversation with you. That being said, Spencer’s parts come off more intelligent and put together than Heidi’s. In her defense we know this was all Spencer’s idea and he is the real genious at fame whoring. Heidi just acquieses.